I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How external is "for external use only"?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That accounts for only three of the penises
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize