She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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