I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize