i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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