It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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