im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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That reminds me...we need to get swords
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
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Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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