If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she woke up with a sticky ear
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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