One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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