Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
only you would photoshop your dick
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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