She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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