She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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