Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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