Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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