I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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