I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize