he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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