just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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