I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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