i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize