I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
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