Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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