why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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