And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize