once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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