wat bout pragnant strippers??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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