no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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