watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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