I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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