Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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