My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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