hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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