Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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