I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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