If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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