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im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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