I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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