So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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