I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize