is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize