she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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