I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i can run in heels then i can drive
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
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new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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