listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize