Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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