Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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