My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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