I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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