So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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