My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize