his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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