Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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